What is a Moral Compass?

How Do We Determine Right and Wrong in a World of Gray?

What is a Moral Compass?

All my life, I’ve believed that my moral compass, AKA my definition of right and wrong, should be rooted in the Word of God. The Bible.

But that’s like saying truth should be defined by what’s true.

That definition of morality means nothing to those who don’t share my faith.

So how would you define your moral compass? I’m not talking about a list of rights and wrongs. I’m not talking about rules. I’m talking about guiding principles.

I choose unflinching regard for others with no degradation of self, grounded in a Creator defined by love and justice, guided by curiosity, and willing to hold the gray where easy answers would cause harm. When two core values collide, I will stay grounded in compassionate curiosity, move with humility, and refuse to dehumanize either side of the tension so that my authority is always tethered to godliness and my voice reflects both ethical steel and tenderness

Principle One: Radical compassion with healthy boundaries.

This means reflecting love outward while holding a both/and philosophy, a fierce regard for all lives involved. It means honoring dignity and respecting others fully. It also means honoring our self-worth by maintaining our own integrity and value.

I have a family member who has occasionally found herself in need of assistance. There was a time when she lived on my downstairs couch while she found herself a job and a place to live. That was compassion, opening my home to her when she needed help. But there was also a time when she called me at 3am stranded at a gas station on the other side of town. She didn’t want the police involved, she just needed a safe place for the night. I had a different way. I told her I would call the police so they could take her to the hospital, where she’d be safe, and then I could go back to bed. That was compassion with boundaries. Refusing to abandon her, but also refusing to carry more than I could handle.

That is radical compassion with healthy boundaries. But that compassion can only grow with roots. It needs to be grounded in something.

Principle Two: Grounded in a creator defined by love and justice

This is where my theological beliefs come into play, rooting my values in a transcendent source. But it is more than that. The roots go deep, into love and concern, active forward moving concern for the well-being of others. And the soil is rich with the principles of justice, fairness, accountability, and moral responsibility.

I tried to train my children with restorative justice, helping the offender name what they had done wrong and make restitution. Love requires seeing the offender as more than their mistake, and the victim as more than their wound. Fairness means both voices are heard. Moral responsibility means the offender takes concrete steps toward repair. That blend of justice and love creates healing for both sides in a way that punishment alone never could.

The kind of love that changes the world and heals broken people requires the courage to look into the shadows to enact repair.

Principle Three: Curiosity as discipline.

Curiosity means intellectual humility with an openness to learn and grow. It keeps us from rushing to judgment. It drives us to understand the perspective of others. 

Curiosity means seeing complexity as an invitation rather than a threat, as a doorway to endless wonder.

I remember the first time I saw someone respond to a rude comment with “Help me understand why this matters to you?” It was in a bodega in Manhatten where I was picking up a salad or a wheel of cheese… I honestly can’t remember what was in my hand. I remember robotically handing it to the clerk, paying as he slipped it into a plastic bag, taking the bag, and walking back onto the street. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation I had overheard. I don’t know how it ended, but I know what didn’t happen. It didn’t escalate into a fight. 

Curiosity doesn’t mean accepting everything. It isn’t moral relativism. But it does mean being humble enough to admit when we don’t see the whole picture (and we rarely see the whole picture) while holding on to what we believe to be right. 

Principle Four: Navigating the Gray with the guidance of conviction.

I used to think morality meant holding to right and wrong. Refusing to blur the lines. And it’s true that without conviction, compassion collapses. But sometimes, two goods collide. When a hospital receives a single grant, which research gets the money? How do you keep your child safe and let them make mistakes and grow? When an important project comes up at work, do you cancel dinner with your family? Should crimes be punished or forgiven? Where’s the line between transparency and privacy?  

I used to want clarity. Rules that say ‘do’ and ‘don’t.’ And sometimes, there is a clear rule. But when there isn’t, curiosity and humility keep us from harming in our certainty. Holding the gray doesn’t mean abandoning truth. 

The willingness to stay with paradox is a moral discipline. It honors the complexity of human lives and rejects oversimplification when it dehumanizes.

Some things are non-negotiable (the dignity of human life, the rejection of cruelty, the call for compassionate justice). But the context, how those values apply, often looks gray.

Sometimes we don’t know the perfectly right action. Sometimes, it’s just choosing which wrong is the least wrong. It’s holding conviction while moving through ambiguity.

For instance, my faith calls me to honor the life of both a woman and her unborn child, but those two lives are sometimes set against each other. I believe in women’s rights, and, as a survivor, I believe strongly in bodily autonomy. But I also believe in the dignity and value of all life. The question is not which life matters more, but how do we minimize these conflicts. Protection from abuse. Better birth control. Better health care. Wiser sexual decisions. Supporting mothers with housing and childcare. It is not a simple question of choice versus life. 

There is no generalized overarching “right” answer because both sides have elements of truth.

So what is a moral compass?

It’s not a list of rules but a set of guiding principles that keep us oriented when life is complex. Mine rests on radical compassion with healthy boundaries, rooted in a Creator of love and justice. It is disciplined by curiosity and humility, and it holds space for gray without abandoning conviction. This compass keeps me tethered to dignity, open to growth, and committed to love-shaped justice—even when certainty is elusive.